‘I’m going to sit down and write’
That’s what I told myself, but without much thought as to the topic, that concept is much easier said than done. Life has been a busy little season recently, and now writing this in my seventh week of starting my new job as a nurse, I can hardly believe that I’m here, let alone how I got here.
I’ve been telling myself I need to find a story to write, but I find it very hard to find that inspiration to search for a topic when my own little world is very much like a cocoon at the moment. I’m safe in my routine, early bedtimes and even earlier wake-ups, to some degree blocking out the outside as I let myself adjust, everything that requires just that little bit of extra energy feels unnecessary and irrelevant. Right now my focus is me and each day is taken step by step.
I think that’s what makes this creative transition a complex one for me. Here I am wanting to search for an external story, feeling as though I needed to remove myself personally from this online space, but not having the exposure to do that, not having the time to do that, and with a very slight nagging to write this story of mine, lingering on, even as I slowly stumble to find the words to do so.
It’s an interesting dichotomy, where writing without a personal note feels insincere to me. Previously, I felt a need for more online privacy, and perhaps I needed that a little, but maybe all I needed was a step back from the compulsive feeling I created that I had to be the ‘perfect’ blogger, or writer, or just that I should ‘do what everyone else does’ rather than having some fun with this. I’m still learning how to manage it. Slow and steady. I’m learning to be gentle with myself, to care for myself (and follow through), and sometimes you need to just do what you want to, regardless of what anyone thinks. Again, that’s certainly easier said than done.
The more I think about all these different stages of thought I go through on this topic, the more I think, this is just my journey through life and we don’t have to be so static and rigid in our movement through it. Life is here to be enjoyed and loved. I stand by my previous post, that if I’m here to write something, I want it to be something of value, I want it to be humble and personally, I’m not on a mission to ‘advertise’ myself, but as I always say ‘people are worth knowing, stories are worth telling’ and if that’s true, then just maybe, so is mine. Relatability is what connects us and I’ve missed it. Telling a story, telling my story is the first thing I can do to find that; so here’s a little bit of mine.
These past seven weeks have been a quiet set of weeks, a very short set of weeks, and somehow the clocks have rolled over, daylight savings has begun and we’re well on our way into summer. There have been good days and bad days, hard days and easy days, and that comes with any transition and any job. Balance is my goal at the moment, and it feels that once I’ve found it, suddenly it’s gone again, usually taken away from sleep. Work is exhausting! Work is also entirely valuable and worthwhile too. I am in the fortunate position where I meet different kinds of people every single day. As a nurse, I meet people in very vulnerable times of their lives, and for some, this could be one of the biggest events of their lives. Beyond this, these people have other lives, other moments and other people they travel through life with and it’s interesting to learn about how many different kinds of lives there are to be lived out there. It provides an amazing insight into humanity and the value of one another, and what we can learn from one another too. It really hones in on my life saying ‘people are worth knowing, and stories are worth telling.’
If I encourage you to do one thing today, I encourage you to learn something new about someone, this could be someone you know or someone you don’t, and I encourage you to find something deeper about them. Ask your grandparents one of their favourite childhood memories, or your friend where her favourite place in the world is, and why. Learn something about what makes up this person, all the little tiny fragments which connect together to make a whole. Take that step beyond the surface. Take the leap. Dig deeper.